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POETRY: SELF, WHERE ARE YOU?

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IN THE SHIFTING SANDS OF THE DUNES OF LIFE WIND BLOWS, SHAPES CHANGE, LEAVING A SEMBLANCE OF WHAT IT ONCE LOOKED LIKE BREATH INTO IT YOU SAY, YOU WILL FIND ME THERE INSTEAD DESERT WINDS SWEEP YOU AWAY IN THE DISTANCE I SEE AN OASIS, ONLY TO FIND A MIRAGE SELF WHERE ARE YOU? I AM HERE YOU SAY BUT LIKE GRAINS OF SAND YOU SLIP THROUGH MY FINGERS SELF COME BACK TO ME I HEAR A FAINT VOICE REPLY, YOU...

POETRY: BEFORE I LAY MY HEAD TO REST

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BEFORE I LAY MY HEAD TO REST a VOICE TWISTS MY HEART I HEAR a WHISPER TELLING ME, ‘IT’S TIME FOR ETERNAL SLEEP’ I FEEL THE NOOSE TIGHTEN AROUND MY NECK A BOTTLE OF WHISKY IN MY HANDS A DEEP NEED TO JUMP JUMP TO FREEDOM BUT WILL I BE FREE? finally UNTANGLED FROM THE PAIN INSIDE I HEAR MYSELF SAYING, ‘ITS GOT TO END’ AND THEN, NODDING OFF INTO ANOTHER NIGHTMARE –...

I Lost You At Six

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Tree’s were magical places, that you not only climbed but captained your ship into the sunset. Clouds held the weight of the gods, their shape giving way to how they felt. Lightning was Zeus striking down on those who had broken their oath to honour their values. Pixies danced across the flowering meadows. Trolls lived in the storm water drains, and dragons were everywhere to fight. I loved...

A New chapter

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It’s taken me sometime to settle into my new home, Thailand. It still seems somewhat surreal. While I desperately miss my kids, I don’t miss South Africa. I don’t mean that in a negative way. I have fond memories growing up there, and I miss my close friends of course. The truth is, for as long as I can remember, I never felt like I truly fitted in there. I am not sure if I will ever feel fully...

Breathing Into the Unknown

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For most people the dark of night is a scary place. It’s a place of the unknown, of uncertainty. We evolved to take what is unknowable and make it knowable, that’s why having a source of light, a torch, a fire, eases that uncertainty, it eases our fear. Light makes what was once dark and unknowable, knowable. The truth is, that our greatest source of stress is the unknown. We all get stressed out...

From Here to There!

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The Odyssey of Returning Home to Self As I sit here in the airport, waiting to board my flight to SE Asia, I find myself leaving my old life behind. I ll be honest, having to leave my sons in South Africa has been the most difficult decision I have ever had to make. This alone has broken my heart. But there’s no choice (Read my piece: 6 Years of Depression to know why). I feel somewhat like...

When Your Life Comes Down to Two Boxes

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I was talking to a friend the other day who has also gone through a divorce and we were joking that it all comes down to two boxes. It’s both funny and tragic. As I packed up all my belongings, sorted through what needed to be sorted through, gave what I no longer needed to charity, all that was staring back at me was two boxes. That’s it, twenty years of marriage, and a twenty-four year...

6 YEARS OF DEPRESSION!

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In the past few years, three people in my industry of martial arts (one of them I knew personally) have taken their own lives. If you listened to my friend talking on YouTube, you would say ‘this guy has it together.’ Clearly, he was hiding a dark truth. I start this article with this in mind, as I try to come to terms with my own inner struggles over the past several years.

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